10 May 2009

(M)other's Day

In the spirit of Bill Maher, I am officially instating O.N.R. = Ortizzle's New Rules. Today's topic is Mother's Day, or as the title implies, "Other's Day."

1. The entire world will agree on the same day for Mother's Day. In the U.S., of course, it is (fairly arbitrarily) the second Sunday in May. In the U.K., "Mothering Sunday" is the fourth Sunday in Lent. In Spain it is the first Sunday in May. In Mexico it is the tenth of May (regardless of the day of the week or the liturgical calendar), which this year just happens to coincide with the U.S. In several other countries, it is the eighth of March in order to coincide with International Women's Day. Enough! Let's pick one day and stick with it.

2. The name will be changed to Female Caretaker's Day. That way we can include step-mothers, aunts, grandmothers, etc. We deserve a trip to the spa, too.

3. No gifts of a "domestic" nature are allowed. Yes, sometimes we really would like a fancy food-processor. But that just reminds us that we're never out of the kitchen. The other day I heard an ad on the radio suggesting that the family install new, efficient "green" (environment friendly) plumbing in the house. FOR MOTHER'S DAY. And wouldn't that just make Mom do some cartwheels of joy. Because she's the only person who uses the plumbing in the house, right? Well, you can take that gift and flush it.

4. Do not even think of asking Mom, or your Female Caretaker, to make a special meal on Mother's Day. And clean up afterwards. Are you kidding? Do you have rocks for brains? (This is not spoken to you, dear reader, who are in all likelihood, a Female Caretaker.)

So.... What are your new rules?


J at www.jellyjules.com said...

If gifts are to be given, and they are not required by any means, they should be that bottle of perfume I've been eyeballing at the dept. store for the last few months...

That's really just a rule here, though. I'm guessing many others aren't interested in my choice of perfume. ;)

Ortizzle said...

Hi, J! I am ever-so flattered that you popped in to my recently re-instated blog.

As for the perfume: that is a rule unto itself. Make a wishlist and post it on the fridge with the title "Any or all of these things would be a really cool gift for Mother's Day." Might as well get whatcha want, lol.

Nance said...

My rule is that there should not be "gifts" in the material sense. The gift must be that the giver should do things that the mom wants/needs to be done that she doesn't want to do herself. My kids get all the porch and deck furniture out so that I can simply go and sit out there and enjoy both spaces. Period. Then they leave me the hell alone. If I want/need anything the rest of the day, I merely ask for it and they go get/do it. Material things are fine, but the effort is better.

Mignon said...

Hi! It was like a Ouija board thing, me ending up here. I was sorta hovering over my link list, and voila! Nice to see you back and congratulations on the Masters. Well done!

My rules: no flowers - it's such a waste of both a gift and money. If you're going to spend $40, don't do it on something that dies within a week. And really, that's nice of you to collect flowers from the yard and put them in a dusty old vase from above the sink, but that doesn't count as a gift either. I'd rather have you dust above the sink.

Also, if you make me a meal, I shouldn't be the one cleaning it up. I'd rather have a bowl of cereal than spend an hour cleaning bacon grease off of the stove-top.

Ortizzle said...

NANCE: That sounds like a plan. I can just see myself lounging on the deck chair, calling out to the troops, "You can start with the laundry!"

MIGNON: Funny you should say that, as I just popped over to your blog the other day... and discovered something I had never noticed: all the naughty words in your banner, lol.

Completely agree with you on the flowers, and as for stove top grease... that is one of the main reasons I discourage Mr. O. from cooking on the rare occasions when he actually decides to "help." (He is also unaware that "high" is not the only temperature setting.)